Coming on my own to a new class where I don’t know anyone is not easy at all. It’s also hard to make new friends in a class where everyone is new. “When we show interest in others, remember someone’s name, and ask them about something, we show that we are interested in the other person,” advises child psychologist Barbora Downs.
It is difficult to find friends, as psychologist Barbora Downs admits: “The disadvantage of school age is that we do not have the opportunity to choose who we will spend time with, and who we will be with in the school group.”
Adults can change teams more easily and also have friends from before. “This is also why the school team is so important for children,” he says, adding that children spend as much time in school as adults at work.
Whether we’re new to the team or everyone is new and we don’t know each other, the basic advice is the same. And they can be trained and not learned, as the psychologist stresses.
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“Those who master social skills notice first. But not because they are sitting quietly in the corner, but they watch like a detective what is happening. They do not immediately interfere, do not try to influence anyone. But at the same time, they show interest in others, look in their eyes, and remember Name the children around them, and salute them,” Barbora Downs describes.
Another tip adds “Do what you want others to do – and it will come back to you.” “We would like others to be interested in us and invite us to join them. We can start by remembering the names of those around us in a seat. Everyone will be glad we noticed.
Smiling and posture, in short, body language helps too. “Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re grouchy. But then hardly anyone wants to talk to a cloudy person. It’s good to look for opportunities to smile at someone, look at someone, and comment on something the other person said.”
It is also worth remembering something about those around you. “Boys come to me for football, this girl likes stress. We can then ask them for something,” advises the psychiatrist.
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“And it is also good to divert attention to others. When we are insecure, we spend a lot of time thinking about ourselves, how I look, and what others are doing wrong. But this only makes the situation worse, because when we indulge ourselves, it seems that we do not care about others” The psychologist adds.
Why do we want to be friends with a star?
Someone is a star on the team, and everyone wants to be friends and have groups of supporters around them. “These stars tend to be girls and boys with very good social skills. But not everyone with good social skills is a best friend,” notes the psychiatrist.
Almost everyone has wanted to be near such a star at one time or another. “This is because at school age we are not quite sure of ourselves, and what we are worth, if we are good enough. Sometimes it seems to us that a little reflection from the light of that star is resting on us. And if we are friends with a star, we are also good, wonderful and impressive, ” Barbora Downs explains.
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But it is not necessary that the star person in school also be successful in life. Or that he is a loyal friend who will keep a secret.
According to the psychologist, it is also not true that if I do not have friends in the team now, I will never have friends again.
“Friendships change in school and in adulthood. As we change, so do the people close to us. At school age, we experiment a lot with what we really want from our friends, what is important to us. And even that changes. This is opportunity,” notes Barbora Downs. .
Plus, friendships take time to form. “Friendships don’t form in a day or a week,” the psychiatrist adds.
Listen to the full interview in the audio.